How to poop in jail.

If you are arrested or are planning a trip to your local county jail, chances are, you will have to take a poo. It is an unfortunate reality that at some point you will have to poop with at least one other woman watching as described in this excerpt from "Prison Diaries"

http://prison-diaries.com/prison-conditions/dooker-lookers/

" I once refused to poop in public bathrooms like those in restaurants, stores and rest areas. The stalls never afford enough privacy and the sounds and smells always travel. It was an expensive practice, burning gas to drive home every time I had one in the chamber, but it was my routine nonetheless. I haven’t been home in five years so I broke the habit

The habit would have broken itself when I saw the prison cells. If my cellmate and I are locked in together, I poop exactly one yard away from her. Sometimes the honesty and the intimacy prove to be too much so I try to save up big discharges for times when my cellmate is out, but Nature times herself and I end up defecating a few feet away from another woman while I eat a slice of humble pie. Then we switch places.If crapping right in someone’s face were not embarrassing enough, a window in every cell door allows the guards to see us on the bowl. Safety and security, the catch-all excuse for any violation of prisoner rights, allows them to see in to see that we are alive, not fighting, un-escaped and possibly mid-turd. I once heard a guard open a squatting woman’s cell door, throw clear garbage bags into her room – the accepted inmate suitcase because no one can hide anything in them as they tote their belongings during a facility move – and tell her “You’re moving Rodriguez. Push the other half out when you get to One South.” http://prison-diaries.com/prison-conditions/dooker-lookers/

In our local jail, there are no cells, we sleep in dorms with bunk beds.

Our dorms are set up much like these pictured below from the county of Santa Barbara boys dorms. Our uniforms are also similar.

Each dorm has an open bathroom with 6 toilets in it. Our bathroom is very similar to the one shown below

picture above courtesy of ACB Construction, a woman owned business specializing in Epoxy floors, walls in AZ, CA, NV. THE IMAGE ABOVE IS A BEFORE PICTURE of a remodel in a jail

Our guards would allow us to use the bathroom freely. There were 48 of us in the dorm. The only time you could try to use the bathroom alone was at around 3 am right before we would be called to wake up for chow. That was the moment when everyone was sleeping their best.

My first poop was going to be difficult for me. I was nervous about going in front of people.

I had eaten taco bell before being arrested and I had eaten two servings of mystery meat, It was my second night in jail. I have never been able to go in front of anyone else, even my spouse, I would rather pee on the side of the road than to use a public restroom. I am also allergic to most types of toilet paper. I can use two brands that I know of so, I stick to those two at home and never have a problem

I woke up around midnight needing to use the restroom. I noticed everyone was sleeping. I grabbed my roll of toilet paper and buttoned up my blue jumpsuit. I made the long walk through the dorm to the bathroom near the guard desk, I looked inside and it was empty. I chose a seat and lowered my blue jumpsuit. I had been stripped of my bra and panties upon entering the jail. I was sitting on my throne, all alone doing my business when I heard, " Alright ladies, we have a code, everyone sit up on your bunks and stay where you are. Dont grumble or make a sound. "

I was frozen. It was silent except for the sounds of women stirring in their plastic covered bunks.

At that moment, my guts decided to let go of all that they had been holding onto, in one fell swoop and with a forced sound like a horse makes when he is exasperated.

"Lady in the bathroom, get to your bunk and put some water on that shit, I can smell it up here." Screamed the guard as she rustled in her clear backpack for her body spray. She sprayed a liberal amount of Japanese Cherry blossom body spray and said " Wash your hands later, we got a code." I quickly finished washing my hands and walked back to my bunk with all eyes on me,

Outside, I could hear male guards running around screaming "Get down. On your Belly. Now" We later found out that a male inmate had attempted to sneak into our dorm.

Over the next few days, it got easier to accept that I was going to have to take a dump sitting in front of another woman as I am slumped over looking like buddha .

If you have tried everything to poop and still cant make it happen, try this recipe in the video below and you are sure to blow up the bathroom soon. For best taste, use cream of chicken flavored Ramen and top with crushed Cheetos